I think the main reason, things haven’t been getting better for me, even after the ending of school, is because I haven’t been feeling too great.

May 29, 2010

the reason I haven’t been feeling too great is because I have not taken any action towards what I truly want in life. Yes I have given in to a person’s request for help for a performance. And I have given in to requests to go to the driving range.

But is that what I truly want? Are there more important things I should be taking action towards. Not helping other people achieving their goals, but helping myself achieve mine? Especially when I have only a small reservoir of energy to use at my disposal, [for lack of fulfilment of my own personal goals].

I let the status quo remain, and do not make an effort to go after the things I want. Because, for some reason, there are only certain times during the day when I realize I want it (to go running again, to sing, to read). Partially because I am not motivated enough to take the effort to realize what I want, I feel worse because I am not doing anything towards those goals, and as a result, I continue to maintain the status quo, because it is the easiest to maintain with the least effort, despite discontent and dissatisfaction with what I don’t have or am not doing, right now.

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