I can focus my psychic energy on listening to music, or enjoy reading stuff online that I’m interested in.


– do this to just make sure you keep on living in life, instead of retiring into a black hole of nothingness (or inactivity, or inertia)

Just like you need the car to be kept in working condition and fixed up when problems arise, one needs to work hard (whether in school or in a job) to keep his life in working condition (you need money to sustain yourself and live satisfactorily; you get money from a job).

And just like you need gasoline for your car, you need to have continual social interaction with people (a positive, honest, and down-to-earth interaction [as described in my last post]) to keep your life fueled – or – to continue to give yourself the energy, enthusiasm, and confidence to approach life honestly and keep moving forward (or keep “driving”)

Thus: Just like car maintenance and money are needed to keep the car working and to keep driving forward, *one needs to work hard but have continuous, positive social interaction to keep him/herself happy and enthusiastic about living*.

I used to..

March 29, 2010

I used to be so open to social interaction…

I don’t what happened. I feel like I’ve been focusing too much on school or something… ¬†AH!

I think I’ve developed a sort of distrust or separation from people in general in my angst early three years or so of high school, (of course, sometimes it receded or other times it came back)

But now that I finally am relaxed, less in my head, and more open to outside stimulus, I really look my dad in the eye, relaxedly, while talking to him abuot college.

if I do not want slide down a spiral of questioning my existence

letting myself slide into a black vortex of nothingness.

Surely, I must keep my mind active to stay afloat – and keep myself from drowning in my own thoughts.

I sit here

March 29, 2010

I sit here – numb and bewildered

at thoughts of what the future may hold for me

But during this moment

as I look forward

I think of my world as a puzzle piece

– one meant for me to put together –

to help me make meaning out of such a futile existence

with such a short amount of time to live.

To me this does not make much sense

– this life we are to live –

for I would’ve believed there would be

an ultimate goal for it all.

and I guess

if that were true

then humans were truly not meant to comprehend it.

(listening to Tool – Parabola)

is it more important to gain knowledge? or more important to share what you know??

Curiosity – that is my biggest drive in life. Without being able to answer my own questions, my existence seems to be meaningless. I prefer to be confused and not able to feed my curiosity (either in answering my questions, or takings steps to understand things better), than be accepting of life.